Creating love by the sea

Friend of mine did this at the beach - Imgur

The Truth of the Cheater

I can't remember the amount of times I’ve heard of a guy who really "doesn't deserve it" getting cheated on by their girlfriend, fiancee, wife, etc. It almost seems like some kind of epidemic... these nice caring men getting cheated on by someone usually socially described as a, for lack of a better term, cheating bitch.
But I have a question... doesn't it take two to tango? Countless people have said that there are two sides to every story. So how can a guy be so incredibly innocent in the matter when this principle is supposed to be true? The harsh reality is: he's not.
At least from personal experience, I've noticed that a lot of the guys that attract the "cheating" type are those that would be marked as either the nice guy, or also believe it or not, the flirt. These two types of guys are generally popular with the ladies, and not typically in a sexual manner, which can actually become the problem.
When girls cheat, or actually when most people cheat, it comes down to the need for some type of superficial fulfillment. Most times, cheating isn’t actually done out of spite, but instead out of utter selfishness. Now this isn't me sitting here and trying to advocate for the world of cheaters, because I definitely am not. All I'm saying is that cheating is a display of personal weakness, rather than a lash of pure anger or whatever else a victim of cheating would like to believe due to their own rage and feeling of betrayal.
Back to the topic of the cheater attracters (that's what we'll call them for our purposes), these guys are usually those that are surrounded by women in a more platonic manner. A basic principle of the female mind is being emotional. Despite what a lot of feminists may tell you, emotion does not mean that the woman is weak, but in my opinion is one of the biggest factors of why women can be argued as the stronger sex (not trying to bash my own team). But on the negative side, this emotional nature comes with some cons. Feelings in women are what cause them to be more sensitive, more manipulative, and also more jealous than the average guy. This doesn’t mean that men are not as caring as women, but just that women get jealous easier since they can detect a problem much quicker than men can.
So put yourself in that woman’s shoes for a second (again not at all defending a cheater, just playing devil’s advocate)… You are dating a man that has maybe 10 best girl friends, all of which are attractive, and the only excuse any of those women have for not dating your boyfriend is because he’s “too nice” or  “too good to be true”,  aka they want him, but now they cant have him because you beat them to the punch. So, as a girl, how does this make you feel? I’m guessing neglected, jealous, and maybe even angry. At this point you start looking for other ways of making yourself feel better, more specifically other guys that will give you the attention you need. The one thing you girls need to realize is that your man isn’t hanging out with more women because he is trying to hurt you or that he doesn’t find you attractive, but more because he isn’t as primitive and is able to look past a humans sex organs to develop a friendship. The funny thing is, when the cheating woman goes on and begins flirting and hanging out with other guys, her man doesn’t typically care. Since he is so trusting of himself not to cheat with any of the girls he is hanging out with, he assumes that his girlfriend will do the same. One thing that life has definitely taught me is to NEVER assume. Just because you are able to do one thing, doesn’t mean that the rest of the world is able to see things in the same light.
So here, we have pretty much created a disastrous scenario. A happy oblivious guy who is a great boyfriend, but just is all over the place with male and female friends, and on the other end we have a neglected, or seemingly neglected, girlfriend who is now putting herself in the way of temptation just to try and feel something that her boyfriend is already giving her, but just doesn’t realize that its apparently not enough. So pretty much, if you don’t want to catch a fish, don’t throw in the baited line… simple as that. A girl who is just looking for some “basic flirting” with another man who is going to be drooling over her when she feels abandoned and alone, is usually going to end up in some trouble. This is almost always the root of cheating, especially in younger relationships.
So what’s my point here? Ladies: Don’t assume that your man knows exactly what is going on in your mind. As men, we don’t have the same emotional intuition as you and that’s what makes us MEN and not WOMEN. We are simple when it comes to emotional knowledge and its about time women start to understand that. If you are feeling neglected or upset and you’re dating the nice guy, then TELL HIM. Communication is key. Chances are, the “nice guy”, is going to be a good listener and will not want to hurt you, which is what gives him that special title.
On the other side… Guys: Don’t assume that your woman is always going to be completely understanding of you hanging out with more girls than she has as friends… She has feelings and as a woman has a higher chance of trying to control the situation in more sneaky ways. Don’t give her the need to go and try to compete with you. Have your girl friends, have your life, but just don’t forget that she too has feelings. Don’t think that just because she decided to date you she has to understand all of your needs. A relationship is a two-way road and requires both of you to meet halfway.
All I’m saying is that cheating is usually the result of a domino effect of problems in a relationship. It’s always a shame to see great relationships go to waste just because of a lack of communication. Cheating is one of the ultimate betrayals and I’m not saying to get back with her once she cheats, but I am saying that there may in fact be a way to not even let the relationship get to the point where cheating even crosses her mind.

Running the Distance of Life

As I was running today, a very interesting thought dawned upon me.  I realized that life is not actually much different from distance running, but in fact incredibly similar to it. In order to achieve personal success and satisfaction it doesn't matter what others have to say; it only matters how much will make you happy. In life we begin running when were born, the beginning is easy, but eventually it gets harder. In order to achieve personal success there are certain guidelines that I believe one must follow. When you get tired, you must push yourself to keep going. When you are exhausted you must push yourself once again to keep going. When you feel like quitting, you must AGAIN force yourself to keep going. The time that we can stop to enjoy our success is not when we've been worn out, or beat up, but instead when we, ourselves, decide it is time to stop and that we are truly happy with how far we've come. Now, we can't say that breaks aren't allowed, because breaks are necessary to keep oneself going, but in life and in running, we should never stop just because we want to quit. Personal success varies from person to person, be it becoming a manager at giant, having four kids, or becoming president of the United states, but in the end of the day we all have goals and they are all of equal importance. Whether we get hurt, or dragged down at any moment by people or events, we need to quickly lift ourselves back up and keep going through life and do whatever we must to achieve our personal goals and success, if we ever want to be truly happy.

The Destructive Nature of Lust

Love and lust are two very different things, that in many situations, have an equal amount of power over us as human beings. The difference is that Love usually leads to happier ending than instantaneous lust does. Lust has always been known as one of the seven deadly sins. The reason these “sins” are so deadly is because they lead the person who is guilty of the sin to eventual self sabotage and destruction. Lust, is one of the strongest out the seven, especially in the male race. As men, we have a very large tendency of losing all common sense and fully placing our thought process in the hands of our gentialia. This gets us into trouble many times, and can sometimes ruin something that is placed right in front of us. The scary thing is that lust actually has the power to manipulate the human mind into changing it morality, even if for a quick second. The problem is that, during that quick second, everything can potentially be changed for the worst.

            Mistakes made out of lust have destroyed friendships, relationships, and even empires. The problem with lust is that it is an empty emotion that has no backing to it. It is all the sexual desire of love without any of the emotional validity that comes with love. This is why the outcome almost always ends badly, especially when lust is used to sway ones judgment about an already iffy situation.

            I know that this may sound a tad more on the angry or negative side, but that really isn’t my point. The only thing that can heal the wounds caused by lust, is time and shown remorse for ones actions. The reason that friendships, relationships, and empires, have been ruined because of one lustful action, is because there was no chance given for healing. Instead, like a cancer, lust spread among the hearts of all those it affected, and grew into anger, hatred, and resentment. What I believe we need to do when someone close to use makes a mistake out of lust is that we should show them how it really hurt us, but also give it time. Forgiveness is possible in all situations and it really is the healthiest option, but it can sometimes be the hardest option as well. When a friend, lover, or colleague seem to have betrayed you all because they momentarily decided to think with their sex organs and not their brain, we shouldn’t so quickly get rid of them. Instead, we need to give it time. Some relationships are just too important to toss away, which is why it would be dumb to leave something behind all because of one action.

            People make mistakes, and I understand that, but before forgiveness there must be a consequence. If the person who made the mistake is willing to own up to it, realize their mistake, and not expect forgiveness…. That is actually when they deserve forgiveness the most. Lust can be a dangerous thing because we give it so much power and so much credit, but when dangerous lustful situations present themselves, the best way to avoid disaster is to take this lust and overcome it with logic as quickly as possible. Forgive and forget. When there are two people who partake in a situation fueled by lust, there are two sides. One person is known to be the instigator, which is the person who initiates the problem, and then there is the victim. The victim is just really guilty of being a human being and falling prey to temptation. Can't we all say that we've experience this? I know I have. So the one that eventually can be forgiven is the one who was the victim, as long as they realize that they made a mistake and that next time they will be more aware of what is happening. The last thing I would ever want in my life is to lose a great bond with someone just because of one dumb action. Don’t you agree?

Rebounding to Score the Winning Shot

There is somewhat of a social taboo when it comes to the concept of a rebound relationship, but what really is a rebound? People tend to believe that rebounding is always negative and that it is ones attempt to try and recover from the relationship that they have just left. Something that seems to be forgotten is that a rebound, in basketball terms, is when there is a missed shot and the ball is once against retrieved in order to try and score again. If this also applies to a human beings love life, can't there be the possiblity that someone can score off their first rebound?
Alot of people tend to put a very negative connotation on the concept of a rebound, but what if the first shot was actually meant to be missed and the rebound was the shot that turned out to be the winning shot? I think that sometimes, people stay in certain relationships because of comfort and not actually because of love, and when someone they truly may care about comes around they leave their "comfortable" relationship and leap into what may be the most emotionally satisfying experience of their lives. If true love actually does exist, does it really matter in what sequence it may present itself? Just because we are with someone, it doesnt mean that our true love may not present them selves right when your relationships may have ended.
I think that there is no reason to fear a rebound when there are true feelings between the two individuals. The only reason that a rebound relationship can be an issue is when the person who is rebounding is still hung up on their ex, but when the rebounder feels that they are actually moving on to something better, then that is when the shot will win them the championship game.
My main point here here is that we should not be afraid of love when it presents itself right after we may have lost a relationship, but instead embrace it, because even though you may catch the ball and have rebounded it, you wont have much time before the opposing team keeps you from scoring once more and making the shot that you have always been meant to make.

The Dilemma of Distance

I personally have never been in a long distance relationship, so most of what I am about to express has to do more with observation of those who I have been around and talked to. To me, a long distance relationship during our younger years, many times may be an incredibly irresponsible choice. The reason I say irresponsible is because many of the couple that try to attempt such a thing, go into it thinking that it will be easy and that love will ALWAYS be enough. The harsh truth is that even with couples who are living in the same room as one another, love may not even be enough. The consideration that needs to be taken when a long distance relationship becomes an option is whether or not the sacrifices to come are worth the eventual triumph of love. Is the connection that you may share with that signifcant other actually worth the stress and hardships that may come with distance? In some instances the answer is yes, and it is in these exact instances I would say.... go for it!
BUT.... most of the time the answer is not actually yes. I'm all about learning and especially when it comes to love, people need to learn. Some even say that one cannot know the true meaning of love until they understand what it feels like to have lost love, but this is a whole other topic for a different discussion. What I am saying about distance is that couples that live near one another many times have issues with emotional boundaries. Sometimes these minor emotional boundaries may build up to the point where they can cause a relationship to crumble and end. When you add long distance into the equation, especially at a young age, you create not just one boundary, but a whole array of boundaries that a couple must overcome constantly in order to eventually reap the benefits of their love.
After speaking to several couples who have experienced the long distance thing, I have pretty much caught one thing from it...... sacrifice. Now that word doesn't just apply to one thing but instead to many things. With a long distance relationship at a young age, our hearts tend to be where our significant other resides. This is where the issue comes in, how can two hearts meet each other when they are both looking to be in different places? During the times that people are apart, they may even forget why they are putting themselves through the emotional roller coaster that they are riding for what may seem to be an infinite amount of time.
What also makes a long distance relationship hard is being able to find people outside of your relationship who both understand you and can also be there for you emotionally despite the fact that you may not always be able to reciprocate for them. What I have heard is that it is definitely hard to maintain friendships, especially in college, when someone in is involved in a long distance relationship. This is probably because its hard to get close to someone when their heart is in a different place. I know that some people who have tried this actually ended up losing their friends and even losing alot of their "fun" times that they would otherwise have experienced in college.
The last thing I want is to try and sound pessimistic, because I do really firmly believe that love conquers all when it has been properly prepared for a battle. But when love goes in completely untethered and is put under the heavy fire of conflict and emotion, alot of times it may not stand a chance and eventually be destroyed. What I am trying to say is that when a relationship is faced with the challenge of distance, couples must go into it understanding what is to come and that in order to eventually come back together to reconciliate their love, they will undergo a time of emotional uncertainty and incredible sacrifice.

Loving With Purpose

It almost seems that in our current generation, people are rushed when it comes to love. Whether it's finding love or making love or falling in love, people seem to have this fear of never experiencing the true meaning of love. I think that this fear of not finding love is what causes so many people to experience the heartbreak that they always try to avoid. As cheesy as it may sound, I really liked a quote that came from the movie Wedding Crashers: "Love is your souls recognition of its counterpart in another". I completely agree with this statement, but the weird part is that it doesnt seem like most people do. If love it truly something that is based on a spiritual level or even a deep personal level, why would it matter if weve been in 1 or 100 relationships before we find the "one"?
Especially among young men of our generation, love has become somewhat of a social taboo. With phrases like "whipped" and "wuss" and "player", it seems to desensitize the idea of love to the point where it is no longer a spiritual thing, but instead it becomes a surface emotion that can be disposed of easily. This is not what love is about. I personally can't say that I have ever been in love, but if I had to describe it I would say that it is every single one of the worlds emotions enmeshed into one.
Every emotion in this world has its root placed in love. Anger: A hateful love. Confusion: Questioned love. Happiness: realization and appreciation of love. All emotions that we experience on a daily basis are brought about because of love, but the real treasure is when you find another person who causes you to feel all these emotions, ALL AT ONCE. How many people can you really say make you happy, sad, confused, angry, aroused, excited, and depressed all at once? This answer should not be a list and highly doubt that it will really ever reach more than one.
This is exactly my point. We should not be dating people for the purpose of adding more prospective lovers to our list, but instead we should date people because we are really searching, and if they are not meant for you, then why drag it out? With the latest age for sex being somewhere in the mid to low teens, its almost ridiculous to even think that maybe even a fraction of a percent of those people who are doing it could possibly be in love, let alone KNOW what love is. I'm not saying not to have sex, or not to date, but instead I am saying that people should never forget the true meaning of love. And that love is not something to ever be taken for granted. People should never stop searching for love because just like a roller coaster or skydiving or anything else that's exciting and worth experiencing, love tops that list. Make sure to never forget what love is, and to never mistake or let yourself be convinced that the wrong one is who you want to share your love with.