I can't remember the amount of times I’ve heard of a guy who really
"doesn't deserve it" getting cheated on by their girlfriend, fiancee,
wife, etc. It almost seems like some kind of epidemic... these nice caring men
getting cheated on by someone usually socially described as a, for lack of a
better term, cheating bitch.
But I have a question... doesn't it take two to tango? Countless people have
said that there are two sides to every story. So how can a guy be so incredibly
innocent in the matter when this principle is supposed to be true? The harsh
reality is: he's not.
At least from personal experience, I've noticed that a lot of the guys that
attract the "cheating" type are those that would be marked as either
the nice guy, or also believe it or not, the flirt. These two types of guys are
generally popular with the ladies, and not typically in a sexual manner, which
can actually become the problem.
When girls cheat, or actually when most people cheat, it comes down to the
need for some type of superficial fulfillment. Most times, cheating isn’t
actually done out of spite, but instead out of utter selfishness. Now this
isn't me sitting here and trying to advocate for the world of cheaters, because
I definitely am not. All I'm saying is that cheating is a display of personal
weakness, rather than a lash of pure anger or whatever else a victim of
cheating would like to believe due to their own rage and feeling of betrayal.
Back to the topic of the cheater attracters (that's what we'll call them for
our purposes), these guys are usually those that are surrounded by women in a
more platonic manner. A basic principle of the female mind is being emotional.
Despite what a lot of feminists may tell you, emotion does not mean that the
woman is weak, but in my opinion is one of the biggest factors of why women can
be argued as the stronger sex (not trying to bash my own team). But on the
negative side, this emotional nature comes with some cons. Feelings in women
are what cause them to be more sensitive, more manipulative, and also more
jealous than the average guy. This doesn’t mean that men are not as caring as
women, but just that women get jealous easier since they can detect a problem
much quicker than men can.
So put yourself in that woman’s shoes for a second (again not at all
defending a cheater, just playing devil’s advocate)… You are dating a man that
has maybe 10 best girl friends, all of which are attractive, and the only
excuse any of those women have for not dating your boyfriend is because he’s
“too nice” or “too good to be
true”, aka they want him, but now they
cant have him because you beat them to the punch. So, as a girl, how does this
make you feel? I’m guessing neglected, jealous, and maybe even angry. At this
point you start looking for other ways of making yourself feel better, more
specifically other guys that will give you the attention you need. The one
thing you girls need to realize is that your man isn’t hanging out with more
women because he is trying to hurt you or that he doesn’t find you attractive,
but more because he isn’t as primitive and is able to look past a humans sex
organs to develop a friendship. The funny thing is, when the cheating woman
goes on and begins flirting and hanging out with other guys, her man doesn’t
typically care. Since he is so trusting of himself not to cheat with any of the
girls he is hanging out with, he assumes that his girlfriend will do the same.
One thing that life has definitely taught me is to NEVER assume. Just because
you are able to do one thing, doesn’t mean that the rest of the world is able
to see things in the same light.
So here, we have pretty much created a disastrous scenario. A happy
oblivious guy who is a great boyfriend, but just is all over the place with
male and female friends, and on the other end we have a neglected, or seemingly
neglected, girlfriend who is now putting herself in the way of temptation just
to try and feel something that her boyfriend is already giving her, but just
doesn’t realize that its apparently not enough. So pretty much, if you don’t
want to catch a fish, don’t throw in the baited line… simple as that. A girl
who is just looking for some “basic flirting” with another man who is going to
be drooling over her when she feels abandoned and alone, is usually going to
end up in some trouble. This is almost always the root of cheating, especially
in younger relationships.
So what’s my point here? Ladies: Don’t assume that your man knows exactly
what is going on in your mind. As men, we don’t have the same emotional
intuition as you and that’s what makes us MEN and not WOMEN. We are simple when
it comes to emotional knowledge and its about time women start to understand
that. If you are feeling neglected or upset and you’re dating the nice guy,
then TELL HIM. Communication is key. Chances are, the “nice guy”, is going to
be a good listener and will not want to hurt you, which is what gives him that
special title.
On the other side… Guys: Don’t assume that your woman is always going to be
completely understanding of you hanging out with more girls than she has as
friends… She has feelings and as a woman has a higher chance of trying to
control the situation in more sneaky ways. Don’t give her the need to go and
try to compete with you. Have your girl friends, have your life, but just don’t
forget that she too has feelings. Don’t think that just because she decided to
date you she has to understand all of your needs. A relationship is a two-way
road and requires both of you to meet halfway.
All I’m saying is that cheating is usually the result of a domino effect of
problems in a relationship. It’s always a shame to see great relationships go
to waste just because of a lack of communication. Cheating is one of the
ultimate betrayals and I’m not saying to get back with her once she cheats, but
I am saying that there may in fact be a way to not even let the relationship
get to the point where cheating even crosses her mind.
